Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
