SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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