Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
