Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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