In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
