Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
