I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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