pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
