I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
