I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
this is an emotional support booty call
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
