if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
