you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
