No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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