well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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