you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
