That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
