Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
