i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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