Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
