I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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