i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
