She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
