I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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