Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
