his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
