I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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