Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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