i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
