dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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