Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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