So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
