I want to make a zoo with you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
