The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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