The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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