You smell like stripper and shame
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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