is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
