you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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