she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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