your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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