But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
