Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
