i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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