During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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