He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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