I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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