Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
