I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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