Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
