The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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