Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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