her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
