I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
