He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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