Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
