I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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