you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
