And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
