So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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