Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
