how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
