dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
