And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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