Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
