you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
