idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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