Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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