Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I said "one day" and that day is not today
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
