A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
P.S. I can't hear my feet
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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