i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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