dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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